I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize