the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
