Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
