You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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