You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
