Moan for me like Helen Keller
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
