guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
