Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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