and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
