so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
