Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Still dying that you shit outside
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
