Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
