We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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