If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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