I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
