apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
