At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
