You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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