So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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