Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
