the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
