we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
