why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Randomize
