I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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