Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
