I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
