paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
