we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
