just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
