I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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