I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
