My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
