i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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