If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
two words...techno handjob
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
