We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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