At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
