Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
