Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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