I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
