Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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