There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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