i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
