I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
