if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize