Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize