I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
