yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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