I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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