Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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