you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
