it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize