We named our party play list daddy issues
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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