Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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