my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
