Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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