Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
