At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
