You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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