Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
