i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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