I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
