Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
