i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
