I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
