I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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